Linger

source: http://miriadna.com/preview/rain-drops-on-the-branches

If there’s one thing I’d like to master, I’d like to master the art of forgetting.

Ever since I was younger, I seem to remember even the littlest of things or deeds from other people---the face of my Nursery classmate who peed on his pants, the day I was scolded by the teacher for cracking an inappropriate joke and even my international student classmate who only attended our school for two weeks.

If you think having a sharp memory is a blessing…then let me tell you that this is also a curse. A curse which I don’t know if I want to nurture or not. Given the pros and cons, I wish there is some sort of mechanism my mind and body can do to forget unnecessary things…especially the painful and plain absurd ones.

Remembering past events gives you nostalgia. It gives a sense of warmth, a remembrance of what the event felt like, a souvenir from a place you can’t get back to…it seems dreamy and wonderful to be able to look back and relive memories. It feels so good to know that your brain is still on the peak of its life. But this only applies to good, beautiful and oh so favourable memories. You can only say the positive when it hits you positively.

And in my case, when I think of you, I wish I can’t remember the part where you are.

That part when my brain cells sacrificed their lives to picture you out of my mind…

That part when I used my breath to lengthen my time spent with you…

That part when my lips curled into a smile because you made me do it…

That part when I was suffering from a fever but you hoped you made me feel better…

That part when we exchanged playful banter and you suddenly didn’t reply…

That part when I said sorry because I think my jokes aren’t funny enough…

That part when I asked you what you’re doing and you said nothing much…

That one morning when I woke up and suddenly got the feeling to block you out of my life…

That one morning when I was doubting my decision and was thinking if I’ll win you back…

That one morning when, by a surprising circumstance, found out what you have been…

That one morning when I woke up and I can’t think of anything but your name…

That dark evening when I look at your pictures and I keep asking myself if you still remember me…

That dark evening when I pretended that my pillow is your body that I’d hug to at night…

That dark evening when I regretted I never did anything to let you know I’m here…

And that dark evening when I realized I think I’ll never forget everything…

It sucks to remember. It’s hard to forget. It’s easy to create memories…it looks easy to break ones. But like a boomerang, it will hit you back more aggressively than the way you threw it. More importantly, I realized that feelings will never be constant and you’ll never know when you’ll miss or forget someone.

The worst part is, you know you’re the only one clinging to an old branch. The other one’s feet is already at the ground the moment you thought he’s still mid-air clinging with you. This is the culprit that makes remembering memories like this painful.

Now, I feel like my brain is not the only one who wants to forget…

And if ever my brain forgets the part you starred in…

I know a part that lies somewhere where it doesn't forget to love, you linger.